Serving Sara: Smaller Portions, Please

Rated PG-13

Joe Tyler (Matthew Perry), ex-attorney disillusioned by mob influences inside the legal system, dreams of owning a quiet vineyard, where he can guzzle wine, kick off his shoes and stomp sour grapes. But for now, he wisecracks his way through his current job as process server.

Joe’s creativity comes in handy when he agrees to help Sara (Elizabeth Hurley) serve divorce papers to her wealthy Texas husband. But first he’ll have to avoid Fat Charlie the mob boss.

With mob thugs hot on his heels, Sara and her white underwear glued to his side, and the promise of a million-dollar fee tucked in his pocket, Joe hops a flight to Dallas.

Joe soon finds himself up to his elbows in a bull’s… ahh… lower intestinal tract. And while Sara battles serious wardrobe problems, Joe fights off thugs bent on separating him from his teeth.

However, nothing stops Joe from wisecracking. He laughs in the face of assault-with-intent and chuckles at brass knuckles. With his witty repartee, innocent boyish grin, and good dental policy, Joe leads Sara on one of the most outlandish cross-country chases in the history of… artificial insemination.

While in hot pursuit of the wayward husband, Joe learns how to roll with the punches. He gets beat up more than Rocky, threatened more than Saddam Hussein and lied to more than the stockholders at an Enron convention.

But, alas, time runs out, and things get really stupid. Sinister reinforcements arrive in monster trucks, while dirt bikes fly around like buzzing mosquitoes. Anyone ready for a beer?

Can Joe deliver the goods in time to collect his million dollars? Or will he become the main event in a pug-a-thon? Will Joe find time to fall in love with Sara? How do you get fingerprints off white underwear?

Despite the come hither looks, Perry and Hurley never develop a serious connection. Instead of merging lovers, they act more like two cowboys on a snake hunt.

Billed as a romantic comedy, it contains no romance and little comedy. Instead, Serving Sara turns into a mishmash of disjointed dialog, unexpected cut-aways, and unfinished scenes. Even Perry’s charming (but not very funny) one-liners and Hurley’s blinding white underwear can’t save this one from an early trip to the video shelves. I give it a “C-.”

Dixie says: I love Matthew Perry, always one of my favorite Friends. But after seeing this movie, I understand his trip to drug rehab. And Elizabeth Hurley, normally gorgeous, sported a pair of spastic lips and a bird nest hairdo. She pranced around in clothes way too young for a woman her age and acted like some kind of trailer-park floozy.

Now I know what happened to my luggage at the Dallas airport. Texans, portrayed as stupid and lazy, should be particularly offended. If you haven’t seen this movie, save your money and watch a reality program. I wish I had. I give this movie a “D” because I like Matthew Perry too much to give it an “F.”

Don & Dixie Mitchell

Don and Dixie perform stand-up comedy for a variety of clubs in Texas and Louisiana. Recently, Dixie placed in the quarter finals of Ed McMahon’s Next Big Star comedy contest. Don, a nationally published freelancer, writes comedy, poetry, and articles dealing in country themes. Don and Dixie also write comedy skits and amusing movie review articles, including “Family Fun at the Movies” at simplejoy.org.