Jean Marie Ward

Six Sentence Sunday: “Hoodoo Cupid”

In honor of February’s big day, I plan three Six Sentence Sunday excerpts from my Valentine’s Day romance, “Hoodoo Cupid”, a short romance published by Red Rose and available wherever fine ebooks are sold. As the blurb says:

Maggie Scanlan’s voodoo was a bust until she took her scissors to a poppet on Valentine’s Day. She never expected professional rival—and voodoo victim—Dan Constantine to break his leg, much less sweep the rug out from under her in an Emergency Room. Her brain says, “Run!” Her heart…

“Hoodoo Cupid”

The tattered rag doll flopped on the brushed metal table as Maggie Scanlan wrapped a thread thrice around its stubby legs.

“Let’s see how you like being cut off at the knees, Daniel Curtiss Constantine!” she shouted into the doll’s expressionless face.

A raw, exhaust-scented wind skittered under her hair, raising goose bumps across the back of her neck. She paid the goose bumps no mind. She wasn’t scared. It was just the cold.

#

More next week!

Six Sentence Sunday: “Billy’s Monster”

Spacer

This week’s Six Sentence Sunday offers offers the opening of a story you can read right now, “Billy’s Monster” from Hellfire Lounge 2: Rat Pack Redux. If you like your horror with a big helping of humor and fun, this is the book for you. I haven’t posted my usual information slug on the main page only because resizing the cover is giving me grief. The delay is killing me, too. In addition to great stories by C.J. Henderson, Danielle Ackley-McPhail, KT Pinto, Robert Waters and our fearless editor (and he has to be!) Rick Allen Leider, the book features a fabulous cover by Ben Fogletto and amazing interior art by Ed Coutts, Ben Fogletto, Denny Fincke, Jason Whitley and Paul London. (Face it, I’m all about the pictures. )

“Billy’s Monster”

Billy was six years old when he brought home a monster. It had sharp, pointed teeth all around its mouth like a possum. Two rows of three stubby horns each grew from its forehead. Its spotted feathers were as soft as bunny fur, and it churred when Billy rubbed its tummy and fingered the satiny leather of its wings.
Billy’s parents didn’t know what to make of it. But it wasn’t too big, and they never did see a creature better at catching the mice and other varmints around the farm.

Jean Marie’s Six Sentence Sunday: “Burning Down the House”

Welcome to my first Six Sentence Sunday (you have no idea how many times I’ve written that “Six Second Sunday” lol) Today’s excerpt is from a little story called “Burning Down the House” commissioned for Hellfire Lounge 3: Jinn Rummy. Take a New York nightclub, combine with two feuding sorcerers and one large jinni–and get the hell out of the way.

“Look, Eddie, I wasn’t born yesterday, or yester-century, for that matter. You’ve got another bottle hidden in that bundle of fabric you’re holding. You want me to show you how I fit into a bottle ‘no bigger than…’ by turning myself into smoke and popping down in there so you can slap one of those extra Seals of Solomon you brought with you over the top. The beer bottle or whatever you scrounged on your way over here won’t hold me as well as a charmed number, but you figure it’ll last until you can get it enchanted. Like I’m gonna give you the chance.”
“But it always works in the stories.”

Annette’s Apple Pie

Since I was evil enough to post a picture of Annette’s Apple Pie, it seems only fair that I provide the recipe. This is taken from an old Samhain fantasy blog that’s still out there, somewhere… Consider it my little holiday present. May Christmas find you warm, happy and healthy with all your loved ones around you.

Apple Magic

Forbidden fruit and food of the gods, the apple has a hell of a rep to live up to.
I can see why the Greeks and the Norse made golden apples part of the minimum daily requirement for immortality. People have been talking about the health benefits of apples ever since there have been people talking. Plus, in a climate cold enough to grow them, properly stored apples will last longer than almost any other fruit. Dried apples last even longer.
The whole forbidden fruit gig, however, seemed way off-base. The Bible never specified the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Why decided it was an apple? Apples are hard. Why not something fleshy and sensual like a peach or a nectarine? Or that eternal naughty, the cherry?
Some scholars think the Romans are to blame. The Latin word for apple (malus) is very close to the Latin word for evil (malum). The sources for the two words are completely different. But medieval and Renaissance painters of the Garden of Eden didn’t know malus came from the Hittite word for branch and malum from someplace else entirely. The mythological connections probably didn’t help either. If a Greek nymph used it to keep her girlish figure, it had to be bad for your soul. Look what Eris did with her golden apple. One little beauty contest later and Troy was history. From there it was only a little step to wicked stepmothers and Disney dwarves.
Much as I’d like to think an apple a day would keep me young forever, I can’t see it happening. But I do think the fruit is magical, especially at this time of the year when farmers markets and roadside stands offer them by the bushel. Especially in a pie.
With that in mind, I offer Mom’s Apple Pie. No really. This recipe comes from my husband’s mother, and it’s the surest way I know to make bushels of apples vanish. The rectangular pan specified in the recipe became a family tradition because the standard-sized, round version of the pie never lasted long enough for leftovers.

Annette’s Slovak Apple Pie

Ingredients:
(Recipe amounts based on a rectangular pan, roughly 12 by 8 by 2 inches.)

Crust

3 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
¼ tsp cinnamon
½ tsp salt
2 tbsp sugar
½ lb butter
1/3 – ½ cup cold milk (or more, as needed)
Additional flour for rolling dough

Filling

6 cups apples, peeled, cored and sliced (or enough to fill the pan with a little mound in the center)
½ cup unseasoned cracker or bread crumbs
1 – 1 ¼ cup sugar (depending on the sweetness of the apples)
2 tbsp butter
Cinnamon
1 – 2 tbsp flour (only if the apples are very juicy)

Directions:

Start the crust by sifting the measured flour, baking powder, cinnamon, salt and sugar together. Add the butter. Mix together with a pastry cutter or two knives (one held in each hand) until the mixture is reduced to even bits of dough about the size of peas. Sprinkle the milk over the dough until you can pat the dough into a large ball. (This part can be done with your hands if you work fast.) Wrap the dough in wax paper or plastic wrap and chill for at least a half hour before rolling the crust on a generously floured surface. Use about 5/8 of the dough for the bottom crust, and don’t be afraid of pushing and patching it in the corners. Return the rolled top crust to the refrigerator while you prepare the filling.
Begin filling the pie by sprinkling the breadcrumbs on the bottom of the crust. Starting with a layer of apples, fill the crust with alternate layers of apples, sugar and cinnamon. Add a light dusting of flour if the apples are very juicy. Dot the final layer of sugar and cinnamon with butter. Cover with the top crust and seal the edges. Vent the crust by slashing or pricking it in a decorative pattern. Bake at 350 degrees until the apples are tender and the crust is brown, usually between 45 minutes and an hour. Let cool as long as you can stand it before cutting. Enjoy!

A dish served very cold indeed

Tonight my darling spouse learned exactly how good the Captain Blood costume I made for him twenty-five years ago really was. He’ll be at AnimeUSA tonight, cosplaying at the con ball, dressed as Fuhrer King Bradley from Full Metal Alchemist in a quite spiffy costume made by a friend–a costume with no elastic secreted in the waistband to accommodate (ahem) changes in manly girth, no pockets.
No fly.
Tee Hee.

Because some things need to be seen to be believed

I had to shoot through glass (they close off that entrance after 11 p.m.–go figure!) so you can’t read it, but the shield with “Harris Teeter salutes the Wounded Warrior Project” is on the front to the lower left.

Say, “Cheese”

The Pentagon Row Harris Teeter, the one across I-395 from the Pentagon has a 1280-pound sculpture celebrating the Wounded Warrior Program.
In cheese.
I saw it today. All unsuspecting, I went into the store to pick up a few things for dinner. The doors whooshed open, My first thought was: What is that odor? It smells like Greg left something out of the refrigerator too long. Then I realized there were an awful lot of balloons in the display area to my left. Slowly, I turned… Yes, I do know that old Burles-Que routine, and no, the trigger has nothing to do with falls.
It's all about the cheese.
Orange. Glassy. Ripe. Carved into a replica of a famous statue embellished with a big shield proclaiming, "Harris Teeter Salutes the Wounded Warrior Project."
In cheese.
According to this article, the sculpture's been around since at least Veterans Day. Based on personal observation, it's starting to separate in places. (See it while you can!) Store management tells me it's going to be taken away to the local homeless shelter any day now.
Words fail. My mouth opens. It closes. Somebody, somewhere thought it was a really cool idea to honor our veterans' service and sacrifice by memorializing it–
In cheese.
A half ton of cheese, people.  With little packages of Harris Teeter cheddar, the artist's chosen medium, artistically displayed around the base of the sculpture to let customers know that they, too, can buy a piece of (say it with me!)…
CHEESE!
I apologize in advance, but somebody's got to say it: This gives a whole new meaning to the word "cheesy".
And people wonder where I get my ideas. No way, NO FRACKING WAY could I make this stuff up.  *headdesk*headdesk*headdesk*

The annual Dragon*Con photo blog

For those of you who view clicking through picture galleries with the same horror our parents reserved for slide shows of Aunt Ermintrude's trip to the Catskills, today's post at Beyond the Veil is for you.  I've cherry-picked some of my best photos of Dragon*Con 2011 and wrapped them in the lightest of all possible con reports.  And there isn't a panel table anywhere in sight.  Enjoy!

Dragon*Con Photos & More

Cruxshadows violinist JoHanna Moresco demonstrates violin technique to a young friend before Monday morning's concert.

It’s been a challenging week here at Casa Ward/Uchrin. Days of rain succeeded in doing what earthquake and hurricane failed to do: postpone my work on my Dragon*Con photos and videos.

We’re still dealing with the aftermath of the flood, but the photos are sorted and posted at Flickr. I plan to post a Thursday Thirteen at Beyond the Veil in the near future, but Flickr’s the place if you want to see the complete set.

Meanwhile, Buzzy Multimedia has posted my interviews with authors Maria V. Snyder and Paolo Bacigalupi. We’re also tweaking my Tour of Tor. I’ll post the link soon.

Finally, I want to remind everybody that my story “Billy’s Monster” will be published in Hellfire Lounge II: Rat Pack Redux. The story leans more toward horror than my usual, but with a scheduled publication date of late September/early October, it’s certainly in keeping with the season.

Sparkly Cover Goodness

Yeah, I know, you’ve been wondering whether I forgot how to do this blog thing. Not quite. I just wanted to save it until I had something to make you go Ooooooh! And I do, Ben Fogletto’s wonderful cover for Hellfire Lounge 2, where you’ll find one of my darker little stories, “Billy’s Monster”.
I don’t have an ISBN or release day yet, but when I do, you’ll hear it here first. Not to worry, you won’t be bored in the meantime. It’ll take days to see all the fabulous details in this image. Enjoy!